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Are you a Worrier rather than a Warrior?
To worry is both natural and healthy, when faced with major challenges and changes. It helps to spur you on to seek solutions. However, too much worrying can have the opposite effect-paralyzing you and not allowing you to remedy situations. This can lead to both health and mental problems.
Worrying is mentally rehearsing an imagined event over and over. The more we do it the worse the scenario gets and the more hopeless we feel. Did you know that 99% of what we worry about will never materialize?
“Worry is interest paid in advance
for a debt you many never owe”
Unknown
Worrying doesn’t change anything for the better, it does however convince you, through the power of repetition that bad things are going to happen
Constant worrying, is a self perpetuating cycle and a waste of precious energy
To break this cycle rather become a Warrior.
Tackle these questions and use the following solutions:
Is my worry realistic?
Do you have all the facts? – you hear via the grapevine the company might be downsizing, so you think: “I’m going to be retrenched” Rather contact the H.R. department to get the real picture before jumping to conclusions. Ask: “Is my department involved?” “How many jobs are at stake?”
Challenge the worry – is it valid? Is it useful? Is it realistic? If not let it go, or else turn it around and make it a positive affirmation. Instead of “I’m not going to get an increase”. Rather say “I am a great asset to the company, my value will be appreciated”
It is important to give yourself regular reality checks, to show yourself that all bad things do pass. Remember-worrying that you would never get a date for the Matric Dance? Convinced you would never get a job after failing accounts for the third time?
What is the worst that can happen?
Can I do anything about it?
When a worrying thought arises - imagine how you will cope and deal with it e.g. What would I do if my husband divorced me? I would have to go back to work, my mom could come and live with us to help me with the children, I would have to move to a smaller house ...
Do I need to worry as much as I do?
For some people worry is a habit, an excuse not to rise to challenges. Others thrive on the drama that worry induces. Knowledge is a great worry dispeller. Understand the underlying reason for your worry and acknowledge your fears
Do I need to obtain help with my worrying?
Design an action plan. Can I do something to ease the worry now, tomorrow, next week? If you can do something immediately, don’t hesitate. Taking action, making progress reduces worrying, apathy merely heightens it
If nothing can be done to remedy the situation, merely acknowledging this and letting go may be all the help you require
Constant worry may be a sign of an anxiety disorder or an underlying depression. If it is effecting your daily functioning physically – palpitations, dizziness, headaches, hyperventilation or emotionally – tearful, insomnia consider seeing a Doctor or Therapist
Worry Busters For Warriors
Set worry boundaries – To worry is normal; but set yourself a time limit to do it
  • Then get over it and start implementing ways to change your life
  • Take Action
Learn to relax – meditation, yoga, deep breathing, walking
  • Hobbies and talking to friends also help to distract you from dwelling on niggly worries
  • Worriers get hooked on the adrenalin that worry causes. Rather channel it into exercise-go bungee jumping!
Get organized - writing down the problem, the cause and possible solutions will often clarify your thinking and lessen the burden
  • Don’t take on too much; being unable to finish tasks merely heightens your problems
  • Schedule relaxation or down time
  • Prioritize and follow through
  • Learn to say no
Be careful of your Language
Ensure that at all times you are clear and precise, preventing any miscommunication and uncertainty when speaking to others-specially when dealing with the opposite sex. You may have noticed that men and women have very different communication styles ...
He says, she says ...
  • Men place much emphasis on the correct meaning and definition of words and their literal use. Be aware of choosing the incorrect word or using it in the wrong context
  • Are you aware that the difference between an average and a great communicator is a mere 50 words? Learn a new word a day and in 2 months you will have a brand new vocabulary
  • Short, direct sentences packed with facts that get to the point is what men appreciate. For many women this seems abrupt and rude. You need to say what you need to say, remember men are not mind readers
  • Women tend to meander towards a point and use indirect speech, with lots of embellishments. This is fine when dealing with other women, as we all will soon get the gist of things. However, men get completely lost and frustrated, often dismissing what women have to say as too lightweight
  • Men need to understand that indirect talk is part of ‘woman talk’, used for building rapport and nurturing. Nodding, leaning forward, asking leading questions can assist women to get to the relevant point
  • Men need to soften their tone when dealing with women, slipping in the odd emotive word “I feel the same way”, “I love your idea” can ensure a woman’s buy in
Yes is Yes ...
Women struggle to settle for a simple ‘Yes’. We ask: “Do you like my new skirt?” We are never quite convinced with a simple yes and would follow with, “Are you sure?” “Do you not prefer the longer one?”
“I have no difficulty saying ‘No’ as a full sentence”
Wendy Luhabe
No is no ...
Women are terrified of the word ‘No’ and when using it they feel they have to offer an explanation of why not ... eg “ I can’t help you right now because I have to go pick up some documents from Accounts and then….” Men don’t suffer from this ailment
Use strong commanding words
Women tend to use un-empowering words when sharing ideas. “I guess” “I hope” Instead, use male words “I want your full attention” “I know we will come in on budget”
Limit the use of the word “Sorry”
An American friend visiting - recently asked “Why are South Africans so sorry all the time?” eg “Sorry to trouble you” “Sorry, how do you like your coffee?” It sounds as if you have made a mistake, or are accepting responsibility for a problem. It merely serves to reduce other’s confidence in you. You can still be polite though-just avoid starting your opening line with “Sorry”. “Excuse me” is preferable
Let’s make sure we take time to understand and learn from the opposite sex’s strengths and weaknesses. At all times ensuring a winning and unbeatable combination
These and other thorny issues are handled by Professional Impressions in their Power Etiquette workshops. Be equipped to become a 'mover and shaker' in a way that is dynamic and relevant to today's working world. For more information regarding our Power Etiquette presentation, please contact us.
Tel: 011 467 5126    Cell: 082 895 7924    email: prof–imp@mweb.co.za
Professional Impressions would like to credit the following for information and images used in this article:
O MagazineJuly 2005
CosmopolitanMarch 2004
Fair LadyOctober 2003
CosmopolitanDecember 2002
A Modern Girl’s Guide To EtiquetteSarah Ivens
Play Like A man Win Like A WomenGail Evans
Emotional Intelligence for EveryoneStephanie Vermeulen
Why Men Don’t Listen And Women Can’t read MapsAllan and Barbara Pease
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